One Without Shame

44x66in    -     2023    -    Acrylic, natural & found materials, mixed media

Materials Treasure Hunt! Can you spot them all?

1 Curled up Millipede: From backyard 

2 Dragonflies: From backyard

24 Honeybees: Purchased online 2 years ago directly with a beekeeper who had a hive that didn’t survive a very cold winter

10 Sweet Gum Tree Seed Pods: Collected in a parking lot at the Bronx Zoo

17 Water Caltrops: Collected on the banks of the Hudson River in Ulster Park

12 Acorns & Caps: Collected in my backyard in Highland, NY

15 Paper mushrooms- inspired by Meadow Mushrooms: Pink paper and white tissue paper cap. Tissue paper under the cap. Stems are wire wrapped in Aluminum foil then wrapped in quilling paper and painted

110 “Ball” mushrooms- inspired by Zygomycota/Mucorales/Rhizopus fungi: White wire and textured color sculpty clay

Real Dried Moss: Purchased in bulk on Amazon

Statement

This is my endless transformation. Rebirth. One Without Shame. Earth has always called, her whispers growing louder in each breeze through the leaves. Icy breath of the coldest of winter days. The kiss of the sun, humid and rich. Leaving red on my skin. 

Surround me. 

Bitter cold, pelting rain, or blistering heat; while others take shelter, this body feels most alive when it is caressed by extreme weathers.  Even without physical touch, my body reacts. Adapts. Goosebumps cover my body, frozen hair and hard nipples. Sweat collects in shimmering beads, racing down my curves. The gentle tickle of my own hair against my skin. The weather's power to alter my breath, vision, movement... I had forgotten about these things. 

My energy with the Earth faded and was directed toward a societal rat race designed to exhaust the working class, ever struggling to survive in this world controlled by capital. I had lost my love for art and art making, drained of my body's energy day after day. Not knowing that my relationship with the natural world was also suffering. Mother Earth, embrace me as I emerge into the start of my continuous metamorphosis. Welcome Home.

L Hollick

The Journey

I cried as a partner stood on a chair to take reference photos of me. Naked and curled up in a fetal position. Uncomfortable eye of my phone’s camera lens staring down at me. My body shook, becoming squashed as my fat rolls emerged, becoming ever prominent. I looked at the images with quick thin tears rolling off my cheeks and whispered “these are perfect” as he held me.

I stayed up until 4 am that night, painting my form on the canvas. Heart pounding in my chest as I zoomed into different areas of shame weighing down my inner child and past self. Furiously painting without taking breaks to calm my sobs. Fat shame. Bi shame. Societal shame.

Pansexual, Poly, Fat, Hairy, Emotional. Human. Who am I and who do I want to be? A human without shame. Shed it like a chrysalis. 

The Inspiration

The title is inspired by the poem “Tea Dance, Provincetown, 1982” by writer Sandra Cisneros. 

Click the title to read the whole poem

"...I was in training to be, a woman without shame. Not a shameless woman, una sinvergüenza, but. una sin vergüenza, glorious in her skin..."

As an artist, I have been so thankful with the time I have taken to reflect on my life so far. My existence in this world. How I move throughout life and my interactions with others. Noticing patterns popping up throughout my years like sparks, only to become ever present on how some patterns I cherished were being smothered. How some were growing but consuming my being.

Return to Nature (Cherish and Consume): This piece reflects my return to nature: Body, being. soul, mind, and spirit. The natural world has always called to me, in each breeze through the leaves, whether it be icy cold in the coldest of winter days, humid and rich with the sun kissing the red on my skin. I have absorbed it. When others hide from extreme weathers, my body feels most alive when it is activated by bitter cold, pelting rain, or blistering heat. Without physical touch, my body reacts. Goosebumps cover my body, frozen hair and hard nipples. Sweat collects in shimmering beads, racing down my curves. Leg, arm, and head hair tickle my skin. The weather's power to change my breath, vision, movement. I had forgotten about these things. My energy with the Earth faded and was directed toward a societal rat race designed to exhaust the working class, ever struggling to survive in this world controlled by capital. When beginning to wake to this, I communicated the overworked and underpaid aspects and a rude awakening developed that my well being did not matter to others, even when having my work ethic and professional performance praised. I had lost my love for art and art making along the way, and at the time I did not know that my relationship with the natural world was also suffering.

You'll Join Us Someday

18x16in    -     2023    -    Gouache

Statement

Our body is a vessel. Carrying the weight of a mind and soul, that is uniquely yours. Carrying ancestral DNA and soul of those before you. A body, divine in its beauty and wisdom. Not a single body experiences this world the same. 

Humans are losing connection with the natural world. Depending on technology and gadgets to support them through life. Minds are yearning to be expanded and to learn, but we can learn anything instantly from a glowing rectangle in our hand. 

A return to the natural world is necessary and inevitable. There is an animal in each of us. It will emerge in its own time.

The Inspiration

This is the closest I will ever really get to "fan art".  This artwork is inspired by 3 things, my body, Over The Garden Wall and The VVitch.  Nov 2022 I stumbled upon Over the Garden Wall and fell in love with the animation, story, voice acting, and nods to past animation/story styles. It's turned into my favorite and I throw it on whenever I feel extremely anxious, depressed, or if I am in an art making flow but don't want to listen to podcasts, audiobooks, or music- It just fills my heart and makes me happy. This is inspired by episode 2 "Hard Times at the Huskin' Bee" (see image 5).

I've always had an attachment to human anatomy and the visual power and beauty of nude human forms; especially female born bodies- which are continuously shamed and put under an all seeing/judging microscope throughout history. 

Untamed

13.5 x 5 x 20in   -     2023    -    Ceramic, Spanish moss, wood, natural ink

How do humans romanticize their relationships with animals? An amorous desire to chase. Corner the unaware. Penetrate fresh with a bullet, arrow, knife. Taking life that you did not create. Feeling you earned it. You deserve it. Bore through living creature after creature and celebrate over last breaths and twitches. Kill for sport. Kill for fun. Laugh. Brag. Left to rot.  

How do humans do this to animals, including other humans? Emotionally, Physically, Mentally. Disregarding one’s body. One’s words. Actually and metaphorically choked, surrounded. Out for display. How are we left after days, months, years of abuse. How do we find ourselves, reinvent ourselves, heal. 

We are untamed. Wild inside our hearts and minds. We deserve everlasting love, respect, and care. Every single one of us. 

Trapped

7x10in    -     2022    -    Color Pencil

Artist Statement

Do humans care who they hurt? How wealthy does one need to become to take innocent lives and not bat an eye? How ignorant? How unattached to the world around them? Lives of creatures so small. Precious. Delicate. Open the castle to the summer air. Skylights agape at your command. Wings beating 53 flaps per minute. Sunshine. Fresh air. Skylight closes. Trapped. Panic. HomeHomeHOME. Trapped at the top. Looking through glass at my world. Collapsing. Slowing down. Slowing death. 1,260 beats per minute. Taken. Terminated from this world

The Inspiration

I was working on a roof and saw these little hummers that can only be seen with unclouded eyes from above. It hurt my heart and I still think about them all of the time. Being an emotionally sensitive person has had its difficulties. Others tell me to not feel so much, that I “focus too much on negative and never focus on the positive” (false), to stop crying when I was feeling a heavy wave of emotion starting at such a young age. Y’all don’t know me. These waves fuel me. It sparks my heart and artistic drive. For when people couldn’t look past a child’s tears and red face, fighting to find the words- art making was there to show my truest thoughts, heart, and pain. Don’t tell me to let go. I never will. Mind ya business.

Rude Awakening

24x18in    -     2022    -    Gouache

This piece is about waking up to reality. About where you need to heal. About where you’ve been abused. About establishing boundaries. About lessening the giving giving giving to others who are abusing you. Realization. Give give give to yourself. You are worth so much. 

How do you relate?